Friday, September 29, 2006

Week 4

So busy pretending to work and doing Chez Geek cards I forgot about this. I hope I don't miss my bus.

IND vs. NYJ (X)
NO vs. CAR (O)
MIN vs. BUF (X)
ARI vs. ATL (X)
SD vs. BAL (O)
MIA vs. HOU (O)
SF vs. KC (X)
DAL vs. TEN (X)
DET vs. STL (X)
JAX vs. WAS (X)
CLE vs. OAK (X)
NE vs. CIN (O)
SEA vs. CHI (X)
GB vs. PHI (X)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

What would YOU do for a bunch of free Steelers crap?

A couple of young entrepreneurs in Pittsburgh were running a wholesale fly-by-night clothing operation with the added bonus of giving away items for free to people who were willing to take a pie in the face. 'Nuff said.

What a miserable game, though. I heard that Big Ben was sick on gameday, AGAIN! While it's somewhat comforting that I have something to blame besides his in-game decision making, it's somewhat troubling that he's been sick for like five straight weeks. If he keeps trying to power through the pain he's gonna wind up like McNabb last year. Get better you jerk. The Verron Haynes fumble sucked huge nuts, but everybody makes mistakes and he doesn't make them that often. Furious as I am, I won't get on his case just because it couldn't have had worse timing (uh, actually, I guess I can a little bit. With the game on the line HOLD ON TO THE BALL YOU BASTARD). Ricardo Colclough, on the other hand, gets a Chinbutt To The Face for trying to return a football like it's a frisbee. It's amazing that even after one freak mistake, we had the chance to still atone for it and win. And with that opportunity, an even more careless mistake was made. Shame on all of you. Now go sit in the bye week corner and think about what you've done.

That was a small contribution to my overall sucky week of picks. New standings courtesy of Zandar:

Zandar: 11-3
FOS: 9-5
Metal-Head: 9-5
Dr. Mindbender: 7-7

ESPN:

Theismann: 7-6
Salisbury: 8-6
Hoge: 7-7
Jaworski: 8-6
Schlereth: 9-5
Allen: 9-5
Mortensen: 5-9
Golic: 7-7

Aggro Crag:

Zandar: 34-12
FOS: 32-14
Metal-Head: 30-16
Hoge: 30-16
Schlereth: 30-16
Salisbury: 28-18
Jaworski: 28-18
Allen: 28-18
Dr. Mindbender: 27-19
Golic: 27-19
Theismann: 26-17
Mortensen: 26-20

Friday, September 22, 2006

Week 3

It's 9 AM and I am pretty pumped, getting to go to Pittsburgh for the first time in a long time this weekend and see F*ckface and my dear brother. Also I will be tailgating at the Pitt-Whoever game, testing out someone's new design of a mobile beer tap which I will be kicking field goals through:
Also this weekend is Celtic Classic. Leave it to Providence to deny me two of the three days of the year when I can wear a kilt on the streets of Bethlehem and actually be in the majority. Ah well. I'll make up for it Sunday afternoon.

I'm looking for the Steelers to dismember the Cincinnati Felons at home this week. They need some psychological validation. Oooooh! They need banana stickers.

Pickles: Wait, can we give ourselves a raise?
Nathan: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I think so. Don't quote me on that, but I think we can.
Pickles: Oh, dude! Then, you know, then I give myself a raise right now.
Skwisgar: Yeah I give me a raise too.
Toki: I give myself a solid gold telephone!
Murderface: I give myself a buncha boats...with a buncha Vietnamese people on 'em. On fire.

I think Toki is my favorite. On to the picks.

WAS vs HOU (X)
NYJ vs BUF (X)
GB vs. DET (O)
JAX vs. IND (O)
CHI vs. MIN (X)
TEN vs. MIA (X)
CIN vs. PIT (O)
CAR vs. TB (X)
BAL vs. CLE (X)
NYG vs. SEA (X)
STL vs. ARI (O)
PHI vs. SF (X)
DEN vs. NE (O)
ATL vs. NO

There's a couple of unlikely road winners there, I know. I nearly picked Denver, too, but regained control of my senses in time.
Degenerar hasta algo, cabron
Solo es cansado porque
haces lo que lo dicen, pero
son las rompitas, nino
son las rompitas, hombrecito
ROMPELO!
DEGENERACION EQUIS!!!!

(There ya go, Storm Shadow.)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Week 2 Recap

The 120-hour birthdaython is finally over, and I have barely survived the event. Thanks go out to Pythona for planning such a brilliant party, as well as all the Crimson Guardsmen that turned up. Bonus points go out to Zandar for coming to Bethlehem on two separate occasions in one weekend, and also to Dr. Mindbender for trying to crack the manager's safe at Sheetz. Nobody is buying your crappy lie about looking for the bathroom.

Unforgiven turned out very unexpectedly, with Cena taking the gold and Nitro and the Spirit Squad retaining. The Hell In A Cell absolutely ruled, however. Absolutely. I continue to salivate uncontrollably when faced with consumer products like DX window clings and zipper pulls. When radical Islamists talk about the decadent Great Satan, surely he is talking about D-Generation X. That'd be a good one. Shawn Michaels and Triple H against Osama bin Laden and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad in a tables, ladders, and chairs match.

The Steelers lost to the Jags last night, 9-0 in a trench fight. We were shut out, but at least there's the dubious honor of having been involved in the lowest-scoring Monday night game in NFL history. Go Defense.

Anyway, here's where Team Cobra stands after Week 2 (This week's picks in parentheses):

Zandar: 23-9 (13-3)
FOS: 23-9 (11-5)
Metal-Head: 21-11 (10-6)
Dr. Mindbender: 20-12 (11-5)

And the skin flute masters over at ESPN:

Theismann: 19-11 (10-5)
Salisbury: 20-12 (11-5)
Hoge: 23-9 (13-3)
Jaworski: 20-12 (11-5)
Schlereth: 21-11 (13-3)
Allen: 19-13 (12-4)
Mortensen: 21-11 (14-2)
Golic: 20-12 (11-5)

So here's the aggregate:

Zandar: 23-9 (13-3)
Hoge: 23-9 (13-3)
FOS: 23-9 (11-5)
Mortensen: 21-11 (14-2)
Schlereth: 21-11 (13-3)
Metal-Head: 21-11 (10-6)
Salisbury: 20-12 (11-5)
Dr. Mindbender: 20-12 (11-5)
Jaworski: 20-12 (11-5)
Golic: 20-12 (11-5)
Allen: 19-13 (12-4)
Theismann: 19-11 (10-5)

Friday, September 15, 2006

Week 2

I have to drive to places today. I'm not very awake yet but that might be the best state of mind to make my picks...

TB at ATL (X)
DET at CHI (X)
CLE at CIN (X)
NO at GB (X)
HOU at IND (X)
BUF at MIA (X)
CAR at MIN (O)
NYG at PHI (O)
OAK at BAL (X)
STL at SF (O)
ARI at SEA (O)
KC at DEN (X)
NE at NYJ (X)
TEN at SD (X)
WAS at DAL (X)
PIT at JAX (O)

Benny will play, and Cowher is brilliant on Mondays.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Week 1 Recap (Attn: Zartan)

I don't know how often Zartan gets to do his internetting, but I thought I'd throw in a quick note to our man in Cameroon (or Kamerun, if the Kaiser is reading). Hope all is going well over there. Your friends are all morons living in denial if they write off the Guevara/Castro/Beard theory. It's not just conspiracy fluff. It is a very real threat.

Our little crew did a pretty good jorb with the picks. Tabulations courtesy of Zandar.

FOS: 12-4
Metal-Head: 11-5
Zandar: 10-6
Dr. Mindbender: 9-7

Comparatively, here's how the purported experts from ESPN did:

Theismann: 9-6 (he's not allowed to call the Monday games)
Salisbury: 9-7
Hoge: 10-6
Jaworski: 9-7
Schlereth: 8-8
Allen: 7-9
Mortensen: 7-9
Golic: 9-7

And, of course:

BILL SIMMONS: 6-10 (picking against the Patriots, for once!)
BILL SIMMONS' WIFE: 7-9

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Week 1

MIA at PIT (X)
BAL at TB (O)
ATL at CAR (X)
DEN at STL (X)
BUF at NE (X)
PHI at HOU (X)
NO at CLE (X)
SEA at DET (X)
NYJ at TEN (O)
CIN at KC (O)
CHI at GB (X)
SF at ARI (X)
DAL at JAX (X)
IND at NYG (X)
MIN at WAS (O)
SD at OAK (X)

Zandar and Metal-Head are in on the game. Let's see how we stack up against ESPN's funnymen.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I hate Finland. I'm gonna need 100 beers.

John Cena, in answering his Fifth Question this week, just used the phrase "60% of the time, it works every time." That doesn't make sense. And for the record, his 5 Questions segment on the WWE website is a funny way to waste 10 minutes. Although since they started splitting it into five separate clips, with an unskippable merch promo in front of each, it's a little bit more of a pain-in-the-butt for the At Work Kru.

In Rasslin' Fantasy news, the points aren't out for this week till Saturday, but I'm pretty sure I had a profitable evening last night on RAW. The downside is that all I have for the rest of the week is Big Show. Hopefully my gamble will pay off. Zandar made a nice move in picking up Triple H and Mindbender did some roster shuffling to try and close the distance.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Big Ben, who got an emergency appendectomy the other day. Hines Ward had a similar operation a ways back and expects him to be back for Week 2. As he is the only starter gone, I still feel optimistic for the season opener vs. Miami on thursday. Dolphins can suck it.

Holy Crap, I just was reading Armando Alejandro Estrrrrrrrrrada's (he's so entertaining. haha.) rant about the upcoming match with Kane and realized that Unforgiven will be taking place on my birthday. ARE YOU READY???? Cos if you're not...

Metalocalypse remains the coolest thing to happen to television recently, although I didn't think "Dethkomedy" was its best effort. Still drinking 5-7 cups of coffee a day, thenkyooverramuch.

I am still in love with Killer7. I will pretty much always be in love with Killer7, and if it had fingers I'd put a ring on one of them. Sometime today I'll get around to running off that massive plot analysis, after which I will huddle under my blankets with a flashlight and ponder it. And I'm seriously wanting to dress up as Dan Smith for Halloween. Well, I'm pretty much just wanting to just be Dan Smith all the time. I dunno, we'll see how that goes. I might end up as Vyvyan again if the rest of the band goes with the whole show theme, or as God knows what else. Seriously though, if you own a Gamecube or PS2 and have eight bucks lying around you need to buy this game. It deserves your money and you deserve to have your brain raped.

And if Mistress Armada goes and eats my kid with a spork and straw, then she can go right ahead and forget about those semi-regular five-buck child-support payments. Which I'm sure she's grown dependent on over there in Camden.