(updated)...Are you ready...

BREAK IT DOWN!

A buttload of booyah and crotch chopping, that's what this weekend was.

Donated my JBLs to Sokols. Expect the speakers to no longer crackle when anybody plays 6703 or 6706.

Bussed down to Philly on Saturday, wandered around South Street and finalized my Beck top 100 over an iced coffee at Starbuck's. Major Bludd picked me and some South Street Souvlaki up in a flawlessly executed tactical op and we lollygagged around till Zandar got off of work, and the bloodbath began amid (what else) a case of Beck's and a bottle of Basil Hayden. For those of you not familiar with the rules, we take turns reading off our top 100 Beck songs, and whenever a dispute arises over song placement, we settle it with a round of Super Smash Bros. that is approximately as long as the song in question, which we listen to during the fracas.

My List:
100. Flavor (John Spencer's song featuring Beck)
99. Earthquake Weather
98. Motherf*ker
97. Black Balloon
96. Whiskey-Faced Radioactive Blow-dryin' Lady (or something)
95. Ozzy
94. Special People
93. Diamond Bollocks (I know. I know. Shut up whatever suck it.)
92. Satan Was Way Cool
91. Scarecrow
90. Tough Fuckin' Shit
89. Sing It Again
88. Atmospheric Conditions
87. No Money No Honey
86. Whiskeyclone Hotel City 1997
85. Tasergun
84. Steve Threw Up
83. Bottle of Blues
82. Puttin' It Down
81. See Water
80. Forcefield
79. Rental Car
78. Tropicalia
77. Farewell Ride
76. Salt In The Wound
75. Clap Hands
74. Fume
73. Pink Noise (Rock Me Amadeus)
72. CHAIN REACTION
71. Mixed Bizness
70. Girl
69. Runners Dial Zero
68. He's A Mighty Good Leader
67. One Foot In The Grave
66. Bogusflow
65. SA-5
64. Burro
63. Que Onda Guero
62. Sexx Laws
61. Sunday Sun
60. Cancelled Check
59. Truckdrivin' Neighbors Downstairs
58. The Cut 1/2 Blues
57. Clock
56. Brother
55. Send A Message To Her
54. Emergency Exit
53. Fuckin' With My Head
52. Black Tambourine
51. Broken Train
50. Diskobox
49. Lord Only Knows
48. I Get Lonesome
47. Asshole
46. Thunderpeel
45. Pay No Mind
44. Blah Blah Blah Blah
43. Today Has Been A Fucked Up Day
42. Leave Me On The Moon
41. Lazy Flies
40. Paper Tiger
39. Oh Maria
38. Devil's Haircut
37. Jackass
36. Burnt Orange Peel
35. Hell Yes
34. Cyanide Breathmint
33. Baby (Static)
32. Halo of Gold
31. Deadweight
30. E-Pro
29. Hollywood Freaks
28. The Golden Age
27. Cold Brains
26. Sissyneck
25. High 5 (Rock the Catskills)
24. Beercan
23. Hollow Log
22. Heartland Feelings
21. Corvette Bummer
20. Feather In Your Cap
19. Arabian Nights
18. Go It Alone
17. Missing
16. Outcome
15. Satan Gave Me A Taco
14. Little Drum Machine Boy
13. Electric Music and the Summer People
12. Debra
11. Guess I'm Doing Fine
10. The New Pollution
9. Novacaine
8. Nobody's Fault But My Own
7. Cold Ass Fashion
6. Soul Suckin' Jerk
5. Hotwax
4. Nicotine & Gravy
3. Where It's At
2. Loser
1. MTV Makes Me Wanna Smoke Crack

Cap'n's Log (List owner, song disputed, place, winners marked in bold):

Major Bludd - Corvette Bummer - 100 - Handicap vs. FOS
Zandar - E-Pro - 100 - Handicap vs. Zandar
FOS - Earthquake Weather - 99 - Handicap vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Sing It Again - 99 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd
Zandar - Chain Reaction - 98 - Handicap vs. Zandar

(After this point, we tweaked the handicap rules to be a bit less advantageous to the underdog)

Major Bludd - Truckdrivin' Neighbors Downstairs - 97 - Major Bludd vs. FOS
Zandar - Go It Alone - 97 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Major Bludd - Leave Me On The Moon - 96 - FOS vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Diamond Bollocks - 93 - Handicap vs. FOS
Zandar - High 5 (Rock the Catskills) - 93 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Major Bludd - Milk & Honey - 91 - Major Bludd vs. Zandar
Major Bludd - Oh Maria - 90 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd
Zandar - Beercan - 90 - Handicap vs. Zandar

Zandar, defending the honor of Sing It Again (89 on FOS's list), is retroactively challenged by FOS to answer for his low placement of Truckdrivin' Neighbors Downstairs (88 on Zandar's list). This is resolved by a five-minute round during which both songs are played on repeat simultaneously. Results = glorious, and Zandar wins the match.

FOS - Whiskeyclone Hotel City 1997 - 86 - Handicap vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Midnite Vultures - 84 - Major Bludd vs. Zandar
FOS - Bottle of Blues - 83 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - Broken Train - 82 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - Fuckin' With My Head - 81 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Major Bludd - Sleeping Bag - 79 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Tropicalia - 78 - Handicap vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Heartland Feelings - 78 - Major Bludd vs. FOS
Zandar - Nitemare Hippie Girl - 80 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd vs. FOS
Zandar - Dead Melodies - 78 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd vs. FOS
FOS - Farewell Ride - 77 - FOS vs. Major Bludd
Major Bludd - Diskobox - 77 - Handicap vs. FOS
Zandar - We Live Again - 77 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd
Major Bludd - Cold Brains - 76 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd
Major Bludd - Brother - 69 - Major Bludd vs. Zandar vs. FOS
Zandar - Missing - 67 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - New Pollution - 66 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - Satan Gave Me A Taco - 64 - Zandar vs. FOS
Zandar - Cold Ass Fashion - 63 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - Sissyneck - 60 - Zandar vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Electric Music and the Summer People - 59 - FOS vs. Major Bludd
Zandar - Lost Cause - 59 - Zandar vs. Major Bludd vs. FOS
FOS - Black Tambourine - 52 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Lord Only Knows - 49 - Handicap vs. FOS
FOS - Lazy Flies - 41 - Zandar vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Where It's At - 40 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Devil's Haircut - 38 - Handicap vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Hotwax - 38 - FOS vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Hell Yes - 35 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Zandar - MTV Makes Me Wanna Smoke Crack - 34 - Handicap vs. Zandar
Major Bludd - Soul Suckin' Jerk - 32 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd
FOS - Hollywood Freaks - 29 - Handicap vs. FOS
Zandar - Hotwax - 28 - Zandar vs. FOS
Major Bludd - Loser - 23 - Handicap vs. Major Bludd

The last battle of the evening happens as a result of Major Bludd challenging FOS's placement of Debra at #12. FOS retroactively challenges Major Bludd's placement of Nicotine and Gravy, which is around #17 or something like that. Zandar jumps into the fight on Major Bludd's side, and again, the match is played while both songs played simultaneously. The results are even better than the first mash-up and FOS wins the match.

And then, uh, heh heh. Dr. Mindbender picked me up and we went back to B-town to listen to the new Quadragency Dynamite demos and jam out some, which we did despite the efforts of ALL THE BUSES to stymie our designs. And THEN...

We were joined by Pythona, Storm Shadow, and some others for the Vengeance PPV. Once it finally got ordered, it was pretty decent. The best match, pound for pound, was Nitro-Benjamin-Carlito, but of course, for me, it was really just all building up to the last event. It was all I hoped it would be. Shawn Michaels looked pretty damn good for a guy rumored to be asking for a "lighter schedule". I sported a new D-Generation X tee and we got some custom green-n-black shots made. And now, one X for each crotch chop that occurred this weekend:

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

(Rough Approximation)

Metal-Head Retreat Weekend is approaching. Christ.

Drive-by shooting, pitchfork in the face

hors d'oeuvre...

BECK TILL YOU SMASH promises to be quite an interesting and drunkenly violent meeting of the region's top Beck fans. I have much work to do on my Smash skills, though.

Spain over Ukraine, 4-0. Quite a different start than usual for the national squad. I love the historical animosities that occasionally see embodiment on the "football pitch", for example, Spain v. Tunisia or Saudi Arabia will rehash the Moorish invasion...Will Saladin prevail, or El Cid? Germany v. Poland is happening right now. Algerhiss. I have a going tiff with an Englishman pal about the Armada...Spain v. England will result in some bloodshed. And a lot of drinking. Probably won't happen, though. I think they'll end up in opposite brackets.

My best and worst thoughts are simultaneously with Big Ben. You idiot, you idiot, you idiot. Please get well soon. Maybe having a permanently disfigured face will be good for him, though. It will give him a new mystique: no longer the pretty lil' wonderkind, he will become the hellish mutant pirate marauder with a tormented past and unlimited, steely nerves.