It's True!
OK, I couldn't help but take a stab at Bill Simmons yesterday because he's had it coming, what with his nonstop fellating of all things New England since 2002. Ooooooh, I think I can stand 2 out of all the Patriots fans I've ever met, one being Tomax and the other being a bouncer at the Brew Works. All the rest of them I've really tried to get past the rivalry thing and communicate to them as plain old football fans, or at least human beings. And they've always let me down.
That said, I still have to say that I enjoy Bill Simmons most of the rest of the time. Here's a good reason why, taken from an excerpt from his most recent column, giving out awards for the Divisional Playoffs:
The Jim Ross Award for Best Moment that Could Have Been Made into a Fantastic Story Line
To Mike Vanderjagt for shanking that season-ending field goal, which looked like one of Ali Haji Sheikh's efforts if you were playing the 1982 Giants at the All-Madden Level and completely screwed up the kicking wheel. After all of Vanderjagt's problems with Manning over the years, I kept waiting for the postgame press conference where Vanderjagt pretended to be upset, answered a few questions, and then suddenly Bill Cowher's music started playing (with Cowher dressed as Sergeant Slaughter), followed by Vanderjagt breaking into a big smile, and then the two of them hugging as Jim Ross screamed "No! No! No! My God, no!" Then Vanderjagt would rip off his Colts jersey to reveal a Steelers jersey underneath. This would have been one of the five greatest moments in sports history. And you know what? There's still time.
That said, I still have to say that I enjoy Bill Simmons most of the rest of the time. Here's a good reason why, taken from an excerpt from his most recent column, giving out awards for the Divisional Playoffs:
The Jim Ross Award for Best Moment that Could Have Been Made into a Fantastic Story LineTo Mike Vanderjagt for shanking that season-ending field goal, which looked like one of Ali Haji Sheikh's efforts if you were playing the 1982 Giants at the All-Madden Level and completely screwed up the kicking wheel. After all of Vanderjagt's problems with Manning over the years, I kept waiting for the postgame press conference where Vanderjagt pretended to be upset, answered a few questions, and then suddenly Bill Cowher's music started playing (with Cowher dressed as Sergeant Slaughter), followed by Vanderjagt breaking into a big smile, and then the two of them hugging as Jim Ross screamed "No! No! No! My God, no!" Then Vanderjagt would rip off his Colts jersey to reveal a Steelers jersey underneath. This would have been one of the five greatest moments in sports history. And you know what? There's still time.
posted by Face of Spades at 12:48 PM
6 Comments:
Mah Gawd! Would somebody stop the damn post-football game skirmish! Vangerjagt's tougher than a two dollar steak!
Dude, call me. I'm in nyc friday through sunday and I'd like to get the ball rolling and crystalized on Young Blood (tentative title). So it would be nice if you me and Ivan could meet tomorrow afternoon/evening.
Bill Simmons is a huge New England fan because that's where he's from. His current location in California aside, he's all right in my book. He went to Holy Cross (Worcester, Ma.) and BU for sports journalism. He used to be known as the "Boston Sports Guy" before ESPN.
Oh, I know all about Bill Simmons. Being a New England fan isn't what bugs me really, it's that his bias constantly goes undisclaimed. After a column explaining how the Patriots are unquestionably going to win a game in which they are four-point underdogs, I would think there should be a statement to the effect of "This opinion may be deluded somewhat by rabid fanaticism." That would solve all problems I have with the SG. Though he probably won't be doing anything like that anytime soon because he's frantically trying to get bodyguards or something to save his butt from Isaiah Thomas.
Alright, fair enough. You drinking after practice?
So, my fridge is almost empty, and it's 2 am, and I go looking for something creative I can turn into a meal. In the fridge, I find a crumpet...and then I find some honey mustard...
This was a terrible idea.
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