Thursday, August 09, 2012

I'm Finally Getting You Guys Uniforms

Crimson Guard, I will be getting in touch with you all for shirt sizes and whatnot.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


CONGRATULATIONS and HUZZAH to my serpentine colleagues for the hard-fought victory over those Star Wars C*nts this past weekend!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Iranian News Cleverly Disguised As Iraqi News

Muqtada al-Sadr, the leader of the 60,000-strong Mehdi Army (a Shi'ite militia) has announced that the cease-fire order he issued (first for six months in August 2007, then for another six months in February 2008) will now be in place indefinitely.

While not explicitly calling for disarmament, he stated that the Mehdi Army would be reshaped into a primarily religious and cultural organization and renamed al-Mumahidun. The Mehdi Army was the most motivated and best-organized single force threatening Iraqi stability, so this is great news for the American presence and Iraqi government.

Be aware, however, that al-Sadr has actually been living in Iran (a Shi'ite state) since early 2007 and it is no great reach to assume that al-Sadr's words and actions since then (if not before) have been an extension of Iranian policy. This indefinite extension of the cease-fire is a likely indicator of a compromise having been reached behind the scenes between the US and Iran.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia are FARCed

Yeah what's it been, 10 months? Screw it and let's push on.

As you may have heard, an incredible hostage rescue took place last week in Colombia, where long-dormant National Army moles planted within FARC managed to rescure the 11 highest-profile hostages (including Ingrid Betancourt) in a daring operation without firing a single shot. This is the greatest victory the army has ever had over the rebels, and it has been starting talk of extending the presidential term limit for the incredibly popular Alvaro Uribe.

For FARC, things are looking downright sh*tty. It's been a bad year for them, all around--the founder of the movement, Manuel "Tirofijo" ("Sureshot") Marulanda, did of a heart attack earlier this year, and several top leaders have been killed in combat. Already, Raul Castro and Hugo Chavez have asked FARC to release its remaining hostages. The days of Chavez risking war with Colombia over FARC are now behind us, as that rat has recognized a sinking ship and gotten the hell off of it.

Without their foreign hostages, international support, or command structure, FARC is a dying animal. Expect some desperate violence as it goes through its death throes, but in 2 years, if there is still an organization called FARC, it will be dedicated to no other purpose than the manufacture of cocaine.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Christ, I miss the Cold War part II

--A representative of the extremely fun-to-pronounce Russian arms manufacturer Rosoboronexport has announced that sales to Venezuela stand at US$4 billion and they are expected to double or triple in the next couple years. Ships, planes, helicopters, the works. Of course, it's nothing the U.S. couldn't vaporize in two days, but it is more than enough to lend serious credibility to Venezuela as it continues to project its influence throughout less-well-armed Central and South America.

--Russia is also continuing to make its presence uncomfortably felt in the whole Iraq-Iran theatre, as Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov is planning a trip to Tehran to visit President Ahmedinejad, the 2nd major Russia-Iran diplomatic meeting this month. Iran needs a dancing partner to get some leverage against the United States and its allies where Iraq is concerned, and Russia is all too happy to be That Guy these days, as previous posts have shown. While these developments are troublesome for the United States, the good news is that whatever the relationship between these two SOBs, Russia is even less interested in seeing Iran go nuclear than the U.S. is, so their backing of Iran is likely coming in exchange for Iran's total cooperation on the nuclear issue.

--In Azerbaijan, a former Soviet republic, the government reportedly foiled a "large-scale horrifying terror attack" that targeted Azeri government facilities as well as the British and American embassies in the capital, Baku. The British have closed their embassy and the Americans have reportedly scaled down operations at theirs. The plotters were, duh, a radical Islamist group. It hasn't yet been reported which one.

--The most destabilizing organization in world history, D-Generation X, is reportedly re-forming briefly on the evening of November 5. This analyst is very excited.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Beer and Bullets

Chinese brewery Tsingtao is going to be opening up a new plant in Thailand soon. Whatever, conquer that market, just export more of that good stuff to the states.

The Turkey-Iraq issue is beginning to bog down. A couple of days ago a few hundred Turkish soldiers crossed the border and went about six miles into Iraq, then withdrew back to Turkey. This was accompanied by artillery fire and airstrikes. For all the fuss and bluster (fluster) about a massive invasion of the Iraqi north, winter is coming and any large-scale military operation is going to turn into a logistical nightmare in the mountainous borderlands. Still, expect the Turks to keep the appearance intact that such an operation is waiting in the wings until they get what they want, namely, the Kurdish Regional Government to condemn the PKK attacks, the Iraqi government to hand over any Kurdish militants it can, and the U.S. to treat Kurdish militants the same way they treat insurgents.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Brief 10/17/07

A few notes on some things:

--Syria has released a statement denying that its U.N. representative had confirmed reports that the target of the Israeli airstrike was a nuclear facility. Syria also reaffirmed that there are no nuclear facilities within its borders. So, take that for what you will.

-- The bill formally accusing Turkey of genocide 100 years ago against Armenians seems to be losing steam in Congress, according to sources quoted by Crimson Guardsman and authority on U.S. domestic politics, Cesspool. This certainly hasn't helped relations between Washington and Ankara, but it isn't as much a problem in itself as it is the excuse that an unhappy significant other seizes upon to finally justify a breakup. It's going to be a messy one, though. Turkey doesn't need America nearly as much as it used to, and the destabilization of Iraq has actually been a liability for them, but the alliance is still too important to dissolve just yet.

-- Fidel Castro is not coming back. Raul, his younger brother, has been running Cuba for just over a year now, and his tone of rhetoric represents a drastic departure from The Beard. He talks about reforming many aspects of Cuban society, specifically, loosening up the command economy and encouraging more dissenting voices. Which is nice and all, but I won't buy into it until average Cubans get more earning power and unrestricted internet access, and the political prisons are drained beyond the ceremonial five guys a year.

-- Gunmen, Somali soldiers among them, stormed the U.N. compound in Mogadishu and kidnapped the World Food Program's top representative there. Everyone loses.